Five Bad Habits You’re Probably Doing—and How Small Pauses Can Transform Them

The Speed of Our Lives and the Cost of Automation

We live in a world that rewards speed—fast decisions, rapid responses, and swift progress. But in our hurry to keep up, many of us have stopped noticing what's actually happening inside us. We react before we reflect. We rush past moments of discomfort or tension. We fill quiet spaces with noise. We distract ourselves with the meaningless at the cost of being connected.

And in that automatic rush, we develop habits—not because we're lazy or flawed, but because our nervous systems crave efficiency. Habits are the brain's way of saving energy. They make life predictable, but they also can keep us stuck.

In my practice as a Coach, the greatest transformations begin not with big actions, but with small pauses. A small pause is that micro-moment of awareness between stimulus and response—the space where choice lives. It's where we can step out of autopilot and back into intentional, value-based living, which makes a difference in our lives and the lives around us.

Let's explore five bad habits you're probably doing (often without realizing it), and how small pauses can help you shift them—gently, sustainably, and with compassion and free from judgement.

1. Reacting Instead of Responding

The Habit:

We all do it. Someone cuts us off in traffic, criticizes our idea, or challenges our authority—and before we've even thought it through, we react. The words fly, the tone hardens, the tension builds.

This is our nervous system in protection mode. It's automatic and ancient. Fight, flight, freeze. When we don't take the time to pause, we operate from instinct rather than choice, and it can take its toll on our bodies.

The Cost:

Unexamined reactivity can erode trust, both in relationships and in leadership. It can also leave us feeling regretful, misunderstood, or disconnected. Over time, it reinforces the belief that "this is just how I am," when in fact, it's just how we've practiced being.

The Small Pause Practice:

Next time you feel that surge of irritation, defensiveness, or frustration—see if you can catch the first breath. Before saying a word, breathe in. Notice where in your body the reaction lives. Is it heat in your chest? Tightness in your jaw? Contraction in your belly? That's awareness returning.

Then ask yourself one question:

"What outcome do I really want from this moment?"

That single pause often redirects everything. You might still respond firmly, but you'll do it from grounded clarity instead of emotional autopilot. Over time, that microsecond of choice rewires your response patterns.

2. Overcommitting and Underrecovering

The Habit:

We say yes—often too quickly and too often. Yes to another project. Yes to the extra favour. Yes to squeezing one more thing into the calendar. Somewhere along the way, "yes" became synonymous with being capable, dependable, productive, or kind.

The Cost:

When every yes is automatic, it comes at the cost of presence. We end up depleted, distracted, and resentful. Recovery time vanishes, and with it, our creativity and joy. This can be a slow erosion of self, rooted in an inability to maintain healthy boundaries.

The Small Pause Practice:

Before you say yes to anything, pause for five seconds. Literally count them. Five seconds is long enough to interrupt the automatic impulse and ask yourself:

"If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to?"

That question reframes 'yes' as a conscious act of alignment rather than an obligation. You start to build the muscle of discernment—the ability to choose what truly matters and to let go of the rest.

With practice, this small pause transforms the relationship between your energy and your boundaries. It helps you operate from a state of sufficiency rather than one of scarcity.

3. Numbing Instead of Noticing

The Habit:

It's late, you're tired, and you scroll. Or you pour a drink, open the fridge, or binge another episode. None of these actions is inherently bad—but when they become ways to avoid feeling, they become habits of numbing.

We numb because we don't know how to stay with discomfort. Modern life trains us to seek distraction rather than depth. But what we avoid doesn't go away—it just burrows deeper, leading us to that stuckness we say we feel. Stuckness is not a feeling; it is a state of being. To become unstuck, we must be willing to notice.

The Cost:

Chronic numbing dulls not only pain, but also joy, curiosity, and connection. It keeps us busy but unfulfilled, stimulated but not satisfied. It erodes the inner signal system that tells us what we really need.

The Small Pause Practice:

The next time you find yourself reaching for a distraction, pause just long enough to ask:

"What am I actually feeling right now?"

You don't have to change it, fix it, or analyze it. Just notice it. Is it boredom? Loneliness? Tension? Fatigue? That naming process re-engages your prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for regulation and conscious choice.

Sometimes, you'll still pour the drink or watch the show. But sometimes, you'll choose differently—take a walk, breathe, journal, or simply rest. The pause itself is the healing. It teaches your system that presence is safe. It allows that moment to decide what is it that I truly want to create right now.

4. Ruminating Instead of Releasing

The Habit:

You replay the conversation. You analyze the mistake. You rehearse what you should have said or done. This is the habit of rumination—mental spinning that masquerades as problem-solving.

The Cost:

Rumination traps us in the past. It keeps our stress response active long after the event is over and drains our mental energy. The more we dwell, the more neural pathways of worry we strengthen.

The Small Pause Practice:

When you catch yourself looping, pause and take a slow, deep breath. Then, physically label what's happening:

"This is rumination."

That small naming moment signals to your mind that it's being observed. It shifts you from being your thoughts to seeing your thoughts.

Then, redirect your attention to the present—feel your feet, notice your breath, or take a moment to look around the room. You're training your mind to release the need to fix the past and to return to what's real now.

With time, this practice builds emotional agility. It allows you to process experiences rather than relive them endlessly.

5. Performing Instead of Being

The Habit:

Whether in leadership, parenting, or relationships, many of us wear invisible masks—the competent one, the strong one, the peacemaker, the achiever. These roles protect us, but they also limit us. We start to perform life instead of living it.

The Cost:

Performance-based living disconnects us from authenticity. It creates internal pressure to always appear "okay," even when we're not. This is a challenge that I face in my own life and is part of my lifelong work. The more we maintain the facade, the more we drift from our own truth—and from meaningful connection with others.

The Small Pause Practice:

Pause before entering any important interaction—especially those where you feel the need to prove, please, or perfect. Take a breath and silently remind yourself:

"I don't need to perform. I need to be present."

That reminder dismantles the armour. It opens space for genuine connection and courage. It allows others to meet the real you—and in doing so, it gives them permission to do the same.

The pause becomes a bridge from striving to authenticity.

The Science of the Small Pause to Transform

Every one of these shifts is grounded in neuroscience. When you pause, even for two seconds, you activate the parasympathetic nervous system—the body's natural "rest and digest" state. This calms the amygdala (your emotional alarm system) and re-engages the prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain responsible for clarity, empathy, and long-term thinking.

In other words: pausing makes you smarter, kinder, and more intentional.

It's not about becoming perfect. It's about increasing the space between what happens and how you meet it. That space is where transformation lives.

Integrating Small Pauses Into Everyday Life

Transformation doesn't come from overhauling everything overnight—it comes from building small, repeatable moments of awareness throughout your day. Here are a few ways to begin integrating the small pause practice:

1. Morning Pause: Before checking your phone, sit for one minute and notice your first three breaths. Set an intention for how you want to show up today, not just what you want to do.

2. Transition Pause: Between meetings, before entering your home, or when switching roles, take one full breath to release the previous moment and arrive in the next.

3. Evening Pause: Before bed, reflect briefly: Where did I pause today? Where might I have reacted automatically? No judgment—just noticing builds awareness.

4. Gratitude Pause: When something goes well, take a moment to truly appreciate it. Savouring rewires your brain toward appreciation rather than survival mode.

Each of these is less than a minute long—but done consistently, they begin to reorient your entire nervous system toward presence and possibility.

Closing Reflection: The Pause as Practice

The goal of the small pause isn't to become calmer or more controlled (though that's often a welcome side effect). The goal is to become more conscious—to inhabit your moments rather than rush through them.

Life won't slow down on its own. But when you do, everything around you starts to change. Relationships deepen. Reactions soften. Choices become clearer.

The truth is, transformation rarely begins with a massive leap. It begins with a breath. A heartbeat. A pause. A conscious effort.

That's where the shift from automatic to intentional begins—and where your next chapter can unfold with grace, power, and purpose.

When you catch yourself reacting, numbing, overcommitting, ruminating, or performing—pause. Not to correct or judge, but to notice.

Each pause is an invitation to come home to yourself. And when you start living from that place of awareness, everything—your work, your relationships, your wellbeing—starts to follow.