When It's Time to Step Off the Path: Breaking Patterns That No Longer Serve You

I'm sitting here this morning, tea in hand, savouring a new, healthier breakfast—a small but intentional change in my routine. About a month ago, I had this moment of clarity. I realized I wasn't walking my path anymore; I had somehow stepped away from 'living inside the pause.' The 'small pause' is a concept I've found incredibly powerful. It's about taking a moment to step back from the busyness of life, to observe our patterns without judgment, and to create space for awareness.

Instead of making conscious choices, I found myself merely reacting to life's circumstances, operating in survival mode rather than thriving.

How this pattern snuck into my life is quite the story (one I'll save for another day), but this morning's breakfast change sparked something in me. It got me thinking about patterns—those invisible scripts that guide our days and that we resort to when we feel as though our backs are against the wall. How do we get so deeply entrenched in them? How do we recognize when they're no longer serving us? And most importantly, how do we summon the courage to break free and create new patterns that help us flourish?

The Sticky Nature of Patterns

Our patterns—whether they're morning routines, work habits, relationship dynamics, or even thought processes—become deeply ingrained over time. They're comfortable in their familiarity, even when they're not serving our highest good.

Some of these patterns might be what psychologists call "maladaptive patterns"—behaviours or thought processes that once helped us cope with difficult situations but now limit our growth and well-being. Think of the child who learned to be invisible to avoid conflict in a chaotic home, who grows into an adult who struggles to speak up and share their brilliance. Or the person who developed perfectionism to earn love and approval, now exhausted by impossible standards they can never quite meet.

What makes these patterns so sticky is that they often formed for good reason—they protected us, helped us belong, or made sense of confusing experiences. Our brains cataloged them as "survival strategies" and now run them automatically, like well-rehearsed scripts, even when the original circumstances no longer exist. These patterns feel like us, like our identity, which makes questioning them feel almost like questioning who we are as a person.

I remember the circumstances many years ago that drew me towards the notion of the "Small Pause" when I was caught in a cycle of overworking. Every morning, I'd wake up, check my email before even getting out of bed, and immediately feel the weight of the day pressing down on me. I knew this pattern wasn't healthy, but breaking it felt almost impossible. The path was so well-worn in my mind that stepping off it seemed scarier than staying on it, even though I was heading toward burnout.

Our brain loves efficiency, and patterns are incredibly efficient. They're mental shortcuts that save energy—no wonder they're so hard to change! But that efficiency comes at a cost when the pattern itself is harmful or limiting.

Recognizing When It's Time for Change

The first step in breaking any pattern is recognizing when it's no longer serving you. Here are some signs I've noticed in my own life and from clients in my coaching practice that can indicate it is time for a change:

• Your body is sending signals. Perhaps you're constantly tired, experiencing physical tension, or having trouble sleeping. Our bodies often recognize harmful patterns before our minds catch up.

  
  

• You feel a persistent sense of dissatisfaction or emptiness. That nagging feeling that something's missing or not quite right is worth paying attention to.

  
  

• You find yourself saying, "I always do this" or "Here we go again." When you notice yourself caught in repetitive cycles that lead to the same unsatisfying outcomes, it's a clear signal.

  
  

• Values misalignment. When you pause to reflect on your core values and realize your daily patterns don't align with what truly matters to you, that's a powerful wake-up call.

A Path to Breaking Patterns and Creating New Ones

Inside the pause lives the power to transform our patterns. Here's a process I've found effective both personally and with clients:

1. Create Space for Awareness

The small pause is essential here. We can't change what we don't notice. Take time each day to step back from the busyness and observe your patterns without judgment.

Try this: Set aside 5-10 minutes each day for a week to simply observe yourself. Notice what you do automatically. What thoughts arise habitually? What actions do you take without thinking? Journal about what you notice and keep a running tab of what's going on for you. Take time to reflect, looking for thinking patterns or repetitive actions to see themes.

2. Connect with Your "Why"

Change is challenging, and without a compelling reason, we'll likely revert to our comfortable patterns. Ask yourself: Why do I want to change this pattern? How will my life improve? How will this change align with my values?

Your "why" is the beacon that will guide you when the path gets difficult. Make it vivid, meaningful, and visible in your life.

Try this: Think about your "why," and write down a sentence, find a picture or merely hold onto the idea of what your "why" is. Next, go out in nature, maybe it is on your favourite walking trail, or even in your neighbourhood and find an item from nature that symbolizes your "why." A rock, a flower to dry, a leaf. You get my drift here. Make this a daily, visible, token of your "why."

Invitation: If you want some support in exploring your values, I've created an exciting "Getting to the Heart of Your Values" Workbook that is available for download on my website. You can check it out HERE!

3. Design a Pattern Interrupt

Patterns thrive on autopilot. To break them, we need to wake up the mind and create a moment of choice.

This 'choice point' needs space and could be as simple as placing a sticky note where you'll see it before engaging in the pattern, setting an alarm, or creating a physical cue like wearing a rubber band on your wrist. You will find what works for you. In my practice of pattern interruption, I lean toward the heart-focused breath as my intervention. Before I engage with my pattern, I stop and slow my breath while imagining it is gently flowing in and out of my heart. This HeartMath practice is uniquely designed to be simple and help us adapt to the discomfort that pattern interruption can create in the body.

The key with your practice is to pause, and do something different—to create space between stimulus and response.

Try this: Set aside 10 minutes to explore pattern interruption in your journal. Start with asking yourself the question, "What will I need to see, hear, feel or touch to remind me of the change I want?"

4. Craft and Practice the New Pattern

Nature abhors a vacuum, and so does human behaviour. It's not enough to break an old pattern; we need to create a new one to take its place intentionally.

Design your new pattern with care. Make it specific, realistic, and aligned with your values. And make it simple! We humans tend to complicate things, and that can sometimes be our downfall.

Start small. If you're changing a major pattern, break it down into manageable pieces rather than attempting a complete overhaul all at once.

5. Embrace Compassionate Accountability

Change isn't linear. There will be days when you slip back into old patterns—and that's perfectly human. The key is to approach these moments with compassion and grace rather than criticism and shame.

Consider finding an accountability partner or coach who can support your journey, help you find your values and align with your outcomes. With both encouragement and honest feedback, you will set up the container to flourish. Sometimes we need an external perspective to see our blind spots and celebrate our progress.

The Magic of Imperfect Progress

When I began my journey back from that reactive state I mentioned earlier—that place where I was no longer "living inside the pause"—I didn't transform overnight. There were days when I caught myself responding automatically to life's demands, swept up in the current of urgency and obligation before even checking in with myself about what I truly needed. But each time I noticed, I stepped back. I took a breath. I asked myself, "Is this reaction serving me, or is there another choice available?"

And gradually, a new pattern emerged—one where I moved through my days with more intention and presence, where I responded rather than reacted, where I found myself thriving instead of merely surviving. The shift from a state of constant reaction to a place of conscious choice didn't happen in one dramatic moment. It happened in hundreds of small pauses, in countless tiny decisions to do things differently. This process led me to leave survival mode behind and step back into the power of choice and reflection. I once again became the creator of my life.

The beauty of pattern-breaking isn't in achieving perfection; it's in the growing awareness and the small shifts that accumulate over time. It's about progress, not perfection. It's about celebrating the days you remember to pause just as much as acknowledging the days you forget—because both are part of the journey.

Inside the pause, you'll find the power to notice what isn't working, the courage to step off familiar paths, and the creativity to forge new ones that truly serve your well-being and purpose. That small pause between stimulus and response is where your freedom lives.

I'd love to hear from you. What patterns have you recognized that no longer serve you? What might become possible if you were to step off your current path? Remember, the journey from survival to thriving often begins with just a small pause—a moment of awareness that opens the door to change and living the way you want.

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Ready to Break Free From Patterns That No Longer Serve You?

If you're seeking support to identify patterns that are holding you back and create new ones aligned with your deepest values, I'm here to guide you through that journey with compassion and practical tools. Book a complimentary 30-minute discovery call today to explore how we might work together to transform your small pauses into meaningful change.

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